After restarting my blog in a different format, I wanted to create something positive and hopeful. In my darkest days after Ollie died I searched the internet for hours desperately searching for any information that made me feel that this horrendous pain would not last forever, when I was at rock bottom, considering my next move, I needed something to guide me through the sheer agony that is baby loss.
The reason I called this page 'Hope is a Beautiful Thing' because around 4 months after Ollie died, I had my first dream about him. He was wearing a white baby grow with a double pom pom hat on smiling at me, I could see him so clearly. As I was waking up, half in and out of sleep I heard a voice say 'We will be together again one day, but until that day comes, there is always hope, and hope is a beautiful thing'. I woke up drenched in sweat at 4am and cried for a very long time. I don't know what happened that night, but ever since that dream whenever I feel like I can't cope or are having a particularly bad day, I hold onto that quote.
There is no 'at least' when a baby dies, there is no 'but', or 'however' or 'well'...it just is.
7 months in, the fog is beginning to clear and I feel better able to cope with the grief and am beginning to accept what has happened. I'm trying to find ways to bring Ollie into the present and live with my grief day to day rather than continuing to relive our experience.
I have created this page in the hope that this may bring comfort to people, whichever stage they are at in their journey and to remind readers that there is always hope. However small that flicker is, there is always always hope...
Love Hayley xxx (Ollie's Mummy)